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Last weekend, my parents came to visit, and they were toting an ice cream maker with them. When I saw it, I initially assumed they brought it along so they could gloat and make me feel jealous, but it turned out it was a gift for me. I was as excited as a monkey in a turd factory. Sure, it’s easy to make the argument that I really don’t need an ice cream maker, but it’s one of those things that I’ve wanted for a very long time and just never got for some reason. Strangely, my kitchen now has all sorts of things like this — very few of which I’ve bought myself. Either way, kitchen appliances give me great joy whether I really need them or not.

The ice cream maker is a tricky thing. Initially, it would seem like having an ice cream maker would make a person have more ice cream. It’s sort of flawed logic though, because it’s much easier to just go out and buy ice cream than it is to make it yourself. Besides that, I’m generally prone to long periods of laziness, so I’m sure there will be times I don’t use it at all. The thing is, homemade ice cream is so freaking good that the regular store-bought ice cream will no longer be sufficient. I have the feeling that, in the end, the ice cream maker will actually cause me to have less ice cream, but the ice cream I have will be remarkably more fulfilling. Apparently, I worry quite a lot about things like ice cream.

This dandy little appliance joins many other ones in the kitchen, many of which give me the same feeling. Of course, the first gadget any kitchen needs is a blender. It’s nice because you can buy one with the intention of making some healthy smoothies or even some tempting sauces. The fact of the matter is that the machine will be primarily used for margaritas. Some of the best and worst meals I’ve cooked have begun with margaritas. It’s far easier to begin cooking something you have no idea how to cook if you have significant tequila impairment. The blender is what gets everything in the kitchen started.

Even though the blender is really all that is needed, I still have many other little machines that either help out immensely, or complicate matters beyond belief. I have a Magic Bullet, which is sort of a tiny blender/food processor. You’ve probably seen them on TV and thought, “Man, I bet that thing doesn’t work worth a crap.” That’s what I thought, but it turns out it can be really handy. It can also be used as a backup margarita maker if something happens to the blender. It’s better to be safe than sorry.

I have a regular food processor, too. Besides being the third back up machine for margaritas, it’s also really fun. It came with a special bread hook that will knead dough for you, so that’s primarily what I use it for. Baking bread, however, is not like making ice cream. I will still buy bread at the store, and the store bought bread will often be better than the bread I make myself. This fact in no way affects the pleasure I get from making bread myself.

There’s something fascinating to me about throwing some flour and water into a bowl, mixing it, throwing it into an oven, and pulling out bread. Maybe if I’d gotten that Easy-Bake Oven I wanted as a child I wouldn’t be so fascinated by the process, but that ship has sailed, so I have to get that rush far later in life. Besides, even if the bread I make comes out hard as a rock and inedible, it still makes the house smell pretty good for the rest of the day, even though there’s a certain mocking to the aroma.

Another thing I use a lot is this panini maker. The heavy lid will smash down just about anything and make it a flat little sandwich. I feel very cosmopolitan when I use it, because I had no idea paninis even existed until about a year ago. I have to admit though, it is also often used to quickly cook up a few pounds of bacon. It’s far easier than using a skillet and the left over grease on the inside makes the next four or five paninis taste especially bacony. Some would find this unappetizing, but I choose to find it awesome.

Before we wrap up, I will say this, even though it’s not really a machine, a good heavy-duty pizza cutter will really end up being a godsend. This is because, after a recipe doesn’t especially work out, you can throw a pizza in the oven to prevent yourself from starving; a good pizza cutter will have you eating a minute or so faster than a bad pizza cutter.

Sure, I could get by without most of these things, but it just wouldn’t be the same. Somehow I have it in my head that the more complicated it is to make a meal, the better it will taste. If this were actually true, I would be the finest chef who’s ever lived. Cooking often takes up quite a bit of my time, and I understand the absurdity of spending two hours making some food that I will devour in about ten minutes, but that’s also sort of the beauty.